When the sun sets

Can’t believe I’m here again. It’s been 2 years since I dumped my thoughts through this platform.

So much has happened. I already took the boards, gained my professional license, entered medical school, and you, My sunset, You happened.

We’ve been together for more than a year and I’ve never been happy. You made me feel important and admired, but as much as I want this post to be filled with butterflies and rainbows, I guess this is me under the darkest clouds..

I just don’t have the guts to tell you but this started when you told me that you were still talking to your first ever love. I know you’re still friends and it’s cool but as much as I wanted to be okay with it, I just can’t help but feel insecure.

You told me that she shares her problems with you and you guys still like each other’s posts.. which should be just okay, right? I don’t know. I don’t want to be that toxic partner that won’t allow you or stop you to do things just because I don’t like it. It’s still your freedom. And you have every right to do whatever you want to do.

I feel like losing a game. It’s like the sun have set to the darkest of skies but no moon shows up. I’m in confusion, insecurity, disappointment.. darkness.

#RocketToRMT – DAY 001

Three nights ago, I received a news that the new dates for the upcoming Medical Technology Board Exams are out. I got excited because I felt that I am more motivated to review now and it felt like one of those random 2AM decisions of finally fixing my life after months of procrastinating and doing nothing. BUT tonight, as I now decide to start with my first day of reviewing for board exams, I felt extremely scared.

It has been 7 months since I finished my degree in Medical Technology and because of the ongoing lockdown and quarantine in our country, a lot of exams and activities were postponed, including my supposed to be board exam last September and my achievement test for Medical School. For the past months, I decided that I should enjoy my time and make the rest out of my break because I believed I deserve this after seventeen years of studying and with this I mean, all-day netflix and a super chill life! My routine was just sleep-eat-netflix and repeat. I tried working out but I got a fever after two weeks so I stopped and lost my momentum and condition. I also tried digital art and explored the field of arts and crafts, I am kind of a maker now, I think. (Well, I might talk about that another time.) I also started to read novels again, which I emphasize, are not related to my field because I missed the imaginary world and I really thought I have all my free time in my hands. So yeah, basically, after graduating – virtually – I didn’t get a hold of anything academic-related and yes, I am fully aware that this is a big problem, because I am totally at rock bottom.

They say that the first step is always the hardest but when you take the first step, things will get easier for then on. Well, I just hope that this is right because I swear, my first attempt in reviewing is so hard it made me write a blogpost to express the frustration and panic. I just really hope I get more progress as the days go by and get more motivated with my goal of having that “RMT” next to my name and my purpose of saving lives one day. At this point, I guess it’s not bad to be proud of myself for finishing ten out of thousands of pages of my readings, right? I got months to go to prepare for my rocket launch to RMT and I hope you join me on this journey! #RocketToRMT! 🚀

PS I hope you could give me tips on taking the board exam and it would mean a lot if you could send me words of encouragement. Badly need these. Thank you!

MOONCHILD.

I am writing this first blog post as I give the moon company and together, we will shine, as the world sleeps. Hi, I am Selene, your moonchild.

I have always been fascinated about the moon. It’s amazing how it gives light to the darkness, how it adjusts to its phases, and how it continues to shine even if there’s no one left to witness.

I couldn’t help but admire its beauty but tonight, as I stare at the plain sky, I thought the moon could be lonely too. Imagine being alone in infinite darkness, imagine being forced to adapt to changes, and imagine being the only one awake when the whole universe is asleep.

I have always been fascinated about the moon, and from then on, we will be each other’s company, as I let those thoughts construct themselves and let those wonders wander. May this platform be an instrument for everyone to express those pent-up emotions and through these emotions, may we remind ourselves that we are alive.